Too small to matter but big enough to cut me into so many little pieces
Shaz FM: Breath no More by Evanescence
Feeling: Sad and Thoughtful

Without worries and problems, what would our world be? Not worth living or it'd be just plain boring. Without problems with our social lives, we wouldn't be the individuals we are. Without friends,we're nothing...but what happens when you start judging your friends to whether they're really there for you or just there for you cause you're there? What about the friends you already have..do they stab you in the back or just pretend to like you?

Hah,ok so what is life without those things. I've just started to analyze my relationship with the people in AISS and how it works around here. Thinking back to last year, there were so many close relationships and groups but looking at it now, minus the new students of course, there are quite a number of people who hate each other or barely talk to one another. Me and Anthony is one example but we've started talking like friends now. Other examples would be the Sashas or A and J.

You know you're in between these two people and you want to help out so you ask person X, for example whether they like person Y..and when you get the answer, you go and tell person Y about it? Ok,so I admit I've done that a few times but when I see it being done a couple of times, I'm wondering whether you really value the friendship. It sorta bugs me when I wanna tell my friend about something and they're like "Yeah,he/she told me". O___O Its cause so many people are friends with each other that sometimes there isnt much room for privacy..even in small schools lol.

I hate seeing my friends upset. Seeing them pissed off or crying makes me feel sad and I want to do what I can to make them feel better. Granted,that there are a few people who dont want my sympathy or they just dont want to be treated that way but I give it anyway,just to show that I care, even if sometimes it ends up in a fight about it. Why I talk about it? It's cause its been happening lately and it really kills me to see them hurt. I feel in a way relieved that I talk to so many different people and dont stay in a particular group that I dont have much that people hate me for and I dont get their abuse directly at me. I hear snooty comments about me from my friends trying to warn me, but I just shove it aside. If they really said those things, dont be a wimp and say it to my face. What you dont hear cant hurt you right?

But what happens when you dont need to hear those words to get hurt? What if its staring straight into your face and no words are coming out but the pain is still there. That is what happened today. I love Alex a lot because she was one of the greatest friends I received when I first came here. I havent explained the problem at all but I feel that its best I dont,seeing that I was never meant to know about it in the first place, but that goes back to the whole "gossip" issue and trust. Only a few of you know and Ill leave it at that. Jon was Alex's best guy friend but now they barely talk and he hates her for what she's been doing lately. I had Art today and went to the next room to get a palatte for my painting. Alex came in and was looking at the paintings the other class had (Year 11 has 2 art classes). All I heard then was "He's writing about me" and she stormed out of the classroom. I took a look at it then it reminded me of yesterday at lunch when I was sitting with Jon on one of the tables outside. We see her running to catch up with Amy and Hilary and he's like "There goes my favourite person I love to hate". That painting was Jon's..and what was written on it shows how conceited and down-right evil he is. Our project was on the elements but WTF has that got to do with anything!? He's got these words,hateful,painful words all over it. "Im living a better life,I dont need you"..."Look what you've done to yourself"...."I hate you, you psychotic bitch"..Fuck, I hate this.

She was crying a fair lot. Ran after her and comforted her in the toilets. Why these things happen to her I dont know. The girls have learnt to forgive her but the guys are still hell bent on not talking to her. Heh,this shows how even nice guys have evil sides to them. Made her go to Ms.Sheetha the other class's teacher and tell her about Jon's painting. Left her there and when she came back,she was fine. Its amazing how she can keep all that pain in. She doesnt deserve to be sad. She's got such a nice,loving attitude and she's got a really good voice.

Olivia. She got pissed off because of our English Assignment. The teachers have got us on our ends just trying to figure out how to do the assignment. We're basically confused but Ive got a fairer understanding of it now. She got upset because she already finished her assignment and now she has to start over. She said she was gonna cry...Heh, I've been close to crying a few times now havent I? There have been great fun times but how something small can get me down is a mystery. Yeah life wouldnt be interesting without its ups and downs but life would be better if I didnt have so much in just a few weeks. I can relate to those lyrics I used as my title. We don't do much about that little tiny thing but it has the power to fully take over us. I've lost 2 people already this year...if I lost a friend,I dunno how that would affect me. Please don't think I'm sad or depressed or anything just by reading this. There are times when you just need to let out these things. I can't go to my friends in AISS because they would need to know about it and then it'll get around school. Heh,I miss my family and friends..from my AISM days. Maybe all I need is a good cry to calm myself down but I cant force myself to cry. It'll just come out when it needs to.

:) I feel a bit better then I got some of it out of my system. Now I need to work on some of my assignment stuff like writing up notes for Maths and Business Studies then around 6.30 I'm going with my guardian,Shirlena to school for the parent/teacher interviews. Till then. Ta xx

I wished upon the stars at
4:43 pm