Shaz FM: Slipping Away by Trust Company
Feeling: Tension and stress

It's come to the end of high school. I was a bit bummed that it was the end. I'll miss my friends a lot and we'll only need to focus on studying now. It's quite sad how quickly time has passed us by. I was still a bit excited though, listening to The Great Escape by Boys Like Girls on the way home before going to see my parents. Graduation night before was lovely. Go check out my facebook albums for pictures of valedictory and last days.

My bubble of small joy basically burst the second I went out shopping with my mother. Usually I'm not one that really worries about what other people think about my body but it might be because I'm not over dad not letting me stay later in Singapore that I'm very temperamental. I've gained weight, ok? I'm not that fat. I can't fit 38 because there's a few cms of no space but Im swimming in the next size. I need to lose weight if I want to fit in anything. Mum started saying I couldnt wear jeans so I retorted with "It's not gonna change the fact that I cant fit them". I should just be wearing skirts and dresses so I dont have to worry about my bloody body. I don't worry about shoes now when I used to. Its just clothes. It's not my fault I have an ass <_< I don't like how I follow everything of my dad. Wide shoulders, bigger build, wide feet, and his sense of forgetfulness. Some people say I look better if Im bigger but I say fuck no. If my dad gives me shit about me gaining weight cause he's in denial and I look horribly pudgy in pictures, I'm gonna lose weight. It bloody eats me inside.

My dad forgot about UAC applications and he blamed me for it. I take some of the blame for not asking him if he did it but jesus, I was quickly walking back to the hotel after dinner trying to hold back tears and not let my mum see me cry. I was annoyed before dinner and the only thing that saved me from losing my head was talking to Chris on the phone. I just wanted to pack my things and go back home to sleep, and possibly cry. I've got a lot of tension within me now and it sucks. I need to get out of the house tonight just to be with friends. If I stay indoors I am going to snap. I'm not going on CB anymore starting monday for at least 6 weeks. I'll only come on msn once in a while and internet, 2 hours a day. Weekdays, I'm gonna study in the library or downstairs. Do studying, reading, writing, listening and papers everyday. Got a plan on what I want to study for each day so I just need to stick with it. I won't have anymore distractions after this but obviously I need people texting and calling me so I dont blow my head off. I'll probably need to do that with people as well so I dont focus on inner turmoils. I'm trying to get over this but it wont. I'm tired fighting against plans for december so I'm just gonna fuck it and go home. I dont bloody care anymore. People can visit me in KL. That's it for now.

I wished upon the stars at
2:56 pm